One cannot simply understand
by StolenProdigy
Summary: One cannot simply understand until one has lived my story.


**HiHi, I liked writing this because i think its pretty easy to write in Jades POV rather than Cats. R&R please, suggestions for and prompts for future one shots are appreciated thank you please do Enjoy ~**

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**"One cannot simply understand how much you can want and wish for something before realising its not real"**

Hello my name is Jadelyn West,

although i do prefer to be called Jade but that isnt the point .and this is a story of how I loved and lost the person I loved. Well you couldn't really say I lost her, everyone called me crazy because to them she wasn't there, her scent, her smile, her actions weren't there. Well to them they weren't. But to me they were all too real.

First let me explain something, I'm not crazy I'm not imagining a fake girl, she is real her name is Caterina Valentine. She is there. Everyone knows her as the stupid bubbly girl who doesn't understand anything they say and has a crazy brother and is addicted to red velvet cupcakes. But to me, in my mind she is mine, in my mind Caterina Valentine is my girlfriend and no one else's, she calls me beautiful and i call her the same. She calls me Jadey and I call her my Kitty Cat. She kisses me goodnight and I cuddle her when she's down. In my mind I am happy because I have her. But in reality I am cold, mean and vengeful if someone insults me I will do 10x worse to them. If someone compliments. i never believe them.

looking someone in the eye can be a blessing or a curse. A blessing as for example a blind person seeing for the first time, or a new mother looking their baby in the eye for the first time in their life. That is a blessing. However it can be a curse because it can mangle and destroy dreams. I can never look her in the eye. I say that, I will watch her intently from a far knowing that she never notices, for then I can make up more situations in my own world where everything is fine and ok, but I can not cannot look her in the eye because for those moments I know it's not real and it never will be, so I would prefer to retain my world than live in reality.

You can wish for the impossible, people say you should wish for things that you think will never come true because when they do you feel special, the best in the world my favourite quote is "One cannot simply understand how much you can want and wish for something before realising its not real". I like it because its true to me I keep wishing that the things in my world will come true but they never do, it feels like I'm wishing for the impossible...

My favourite song is this

_**"I remember tears streaming down your face**_

_**When I said, I'll never let you go**_

_**When all those shadows almost killed your light**_

_**I remember you said, Don't leave me here alone**_

_**But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight**_

_**Just close your eyes**_

_**The sun is going down**_

_**You'll be alright**_

_**No one can hurt you now**_

_**Come morning light**_

_**You and I'll be safe and sound**_

_**Don't you dare look out your window darling**_

_**Everything's on fire**_

_**The war outside our door keeps raging on**_

_**Hold onto this lullaby**_

_**Even when the music's gone**_

_**Just close your eyes**_

_**The sun is going down**_

_**You'll be alright**_

_**No one can hurt you now**_

_**Come morning light**_

_**You and I'll be safe and sound**_

_**Just close your eyes**_

_**You'll be alright**_

_**Come morning light,**_

_**You and I'll be safe and sound..."**_

I like it because its kind of true, I listen to it every night without fail so I can dream about her, don't ask me why but I just do, the words remind me of her, of us, what I want, what's impossible.

Its impossible for many reasons,

Number 1:- I know she doesn't feel the same about me.

Number 2:- she's perfect, compared with me she's the queen and I'm the pour per.

Number 3:- we're both scared. Not scared of ghosts or things like that, we're both scared of getting hurt, we've both lost trust, we've both been hurt and we've both shut off, put up walls because we don't want to get hurt again.

One thing that suprises even me is the fact we talk almost everyday, we talk about things, we talk about our dreams and how they are on one hand amazing but in the other probably never going to come true. We talk about our past, about our fears, I trust her and I hope she trusts me. One other thing that I find strange but I don't at the same time is how I draw a heart on my hand without fail everyday, but what's strange is half is black and half is red and it isn't filled in. Half is black because I would concider myself to have a black heart and hers to be pure and red from all the cupcakes.

One day I hope to become an exception to the impossible and be hers and treat her how she deserves but for now I will stay in my fantasy world where everything is ok, everything is true, everything is how I wish it was. And in reality I won't look into her eyes.

**"One cannot simply understand how much you can want and wish for something before realising its not real"**

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**Thank you I hope you all enjoyed it R&R please thank you bai :)**


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